rxgius:

            he wanted to ask her to look at him. he wanted to look into her eyes and see the playful spark it once held. he wanted to see her smile and for it to be like it was only a few years ago. he wanted it–but like she said, a simply apology wouldn’t solve anything. “ i try not to. i want to believe in you. no. i need to believe in you. but it’s difficult and it’s just…scarlett, his body was not found. what kind of spell does that? and even if he was framed, why didn’t he–why didn’t dumbledore fight for him? i dont want him to be guilty, but there has to some sort of reason to all of this.” 

           he hated that. he hated reasoning his friend’s arrest. he wanted to believe in her and he should–so what was stopping him? even he didn’t quite know. and he hated the way that it was left like that. it was just an unknown, a mystery, something that was off and yet no one saw it. but she did and he could have too –but he choose to simply not delve deeper. he was tired of fighting. he was tired of the war. he just wanted it to be over. he wanted to put his two friends to rest. he should have wanted justice, and yet–the evidence was too stark.  “i know. i know. and i know this apology–trust me, i don’t want to make it seem like i’m just here to apologize. i just don’t know what to do anymore, scarlett. i can’t–i should have been there. i shouldn’t have let you leave. i should have done so many things…and i’m sorry. i want to be forgiven but i don’t deserve it, i know that. i just have to apologize, scarlett because i want to believe you. and not trusting you. not believing in you, –i feel like im being torn apart for that. because some part of me knows you’re right and yet the other is telling me to listen to what evidence is. what the testimonies are. i just–i don’t know what to do. ” 

             ^{❛     NO SPELL! no spell does that, henry. that’s the entire point.   ❜   she says, every ounce of control slipping away from her fingers, hands shaking and anger coming out of her voice. she’s just so tired. tired of saying the same things, to the say people. tired of not being believed on, tired of knowing that even those who claim to believe her still have DOUBT —- tired of the doubt that others put inside of her, and scared. so utterly, completely scared.  IT’S IN HIS BLOOD, they’ll say. he’s a Black, and she’s a LEFURGEY. what does that say of her? what does that say of the darkness that lurks and grows in the depths of her soul? HE’S INNOCENT. she knows it.    ❛   do you think that it’s more likely that sirius created a whole god damn new curse than that he was framed?   he loved you, henry.  ❜}

            ^{she looks at him for the longest time, listening to his words, pressing her lips together and holding the tears in. SHE WILL NOT CRY. she will not let him see how much it is tearing herself apart. how much it hurts, how much it CUTS. deep, and true, and hard.     ❛   WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING WE DON’T HAVE TRUST.  you told me that once, remember? we don’t have that anymore.   ❜  trust goes both ways. scarlett lefurgey doesn’t let anyone in, but she let him inside. she opened herself to him, and that’s what it resulted in.   ❛  if you think he did it —- i can only wonder what it is that you think of me.   ❜   she looks down, swallowing past the lump in her throat and swallowing the tears away. it’s jamie’s day, and everyone else is so happy. she shakes her head, for a moment, and walks towards him, taking the niffler out of his hand.  ❛  jamie needs her toy. that’s why you came here anyway.   ❜}

           ^{she walks past him, and, the moment she walks out of the room, can feel the entire weight of the world on her shoulders. IT HURTS TOO MUCH. something burns inside of her, breaking and cutting everything on its way. she presses her back against the wall. she can’t help the tears now, and she covers her mouth with her hands and lies to herself. she can pretend that it is not there. she can pretend that it is not hurting. she dries her eyes, pressing her lips together and adjusting her dress  (   touching her skin makes her think of his touch, and what it felt to feel it again. she does not want to think of it.   )  before going down the stairs. jamie needs her toy, after all. she ignores the look that melody gives her when she hands her the niffler, and melody ignores how sad her smile looks. she doesn’t want to talk about it, melody knows. she takes in a deep breath, ignoring the tears that start to slowly come back, before saying:  ❛  i’m gonna go play with annie, yeah? let me know if you need anything.   ❜}

(Source: atercygnus, via relabso)

rxgius:

            “i can’t stop saying that i am sorry though, scarlett.” it was quiet, it was real, it was finally the truth. he had been trying to fix everything, he had been trying to go back to normality. but how could he when the person that made him feel normal wasn’t there with him anymore. hand reaching out, wanting to take hers and apologize for hurting her. for not believing her, for still not fully believing her. he wanted to apologize for the years of not speaking to her, avoiding her if he could. he had ignored her when she lost the only family she had left. someone she thought of as a brother, and if henry could understand anything, it was losing a sibling. “i’m sorry for not–sirius was–i should believe that he’s innocent. and i want to badly, scar.” there it was, opening the wound that caused the chasm between them. opening up the conversation that resulted in her throwing that ring at him and apparating to avoid the conflict. he was wrong. 

          “ i know. i know that we can’t just go back. but i don’t want to be stuck either scarlett. for the past four years–i’ve been stuck and i’ve always known why. i’ve been stuck living the regret i had. i was stuck living in the moment when i told you to drop it. that sirius could have been guilty. i was stuck the moment i didn’t believe you despite everything. and i’m sorry. i’m sorry and i just don’t know what else to do except apologize.  –this cold war between us? this i can’t live like this anymore. i can’t stand the idea that i can’t talk to you like i used to. that i can’t even–i’m sorry for everything, scarlett. i should have believed you and i didn’t and i was an idiot. i’m sorry for–everything. ” 

            ^{she turns her head away, even if she’s not yet facing him. she keeps her gaze into the corner of the room, arms crossed in front of her body. she doesn’t want to look at him, she doesn’t want to —- she takes in a deep breath, pressing her lips together. this isn’t how her night should be going. this isn’t how this should be. the turning point, however, it’s when he says his name. she can’t quite take it anymore, not really, and so she turns and she faces him, and —– he looks as handsome as ever, and his eyes as warm as always     (    but sad —- there is a sadness to them that wasn’t there before, a deeper one, and his eyes are plagued with dark circles. she hates the sight.   )       ❛   you still think he did it.   ❜   she says, and her voice is but a whisper. it’s a sickening realization, one that cuts deep, one that bleeds and bleeds and bleeds. he still does not believe you. he will never believe you.} 

             ^{she feels her bottom lip tremble, and her heart beat against its cage. she digs her nails into the inside of her palm, and just looks at him.   ❛   you think that an apology can erase that? you think that —- that you can just — come here, and tell me that you’ve been feeling guilty?  you think an apology will make things better? it’s been four years, henry. FOUR YEARS. you —-  you didn’t believe me, and you still don’t believe me, and —-  ❜   she hates the way that her voice comes out of her lips, the way that the words tremble, the way that her hearts beats and beats and beats.    ❛   i didn’t need adam, or remus, or melody, or dimitri. i didn’t even need sirius.  I NEEDED YOU —- and you weren’t there.   ❜}

(Source: atercygnus, via relabso)

rxgius:

             he hated this. he hated standing here in front of her. not because of her, not because she was there, god no. he could never hate being here in front of her. because he had ruined what they had shared. this quiet, the awkward stumble into the next sentence. all of it. he had ruined the silence that they once shared. the silence when they were in the library. the way her dark locks would fall in front of her face, the occasionally chuckle that left her lips. merlin, he missed her laugh. he hated how he had made it so difficult for them to even stay in the same room together, alone.  when she said her next words, he couldn’t help but smile in response. he wasn’t dimitri, he wouldn’t make some stupid comment about how they shouldn’t be so awkward with each other’s naked bod– henry stop. he reminded himself before he took a step into the nursery. 

             he was silent as he took the stuffed creature into his hands.  he blinked a couple of times at her request before nodding quickly. “yeah, of course.”  reaching out and pulling up the zipper of the dress. how long had it been since he last touched her. since he was this close to her. he missed her. and he wished he could tell her that he believed in her word, that he could believe in his good friend’s innocence. but the evidence was too–he closed his eyes before he could even stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth, it had already left. “i’m sorry.” he said quietly as he took a step back. “ this…”he didn’t know how to describe it, was it their relationship now? to be this awkward? perhaps they were simply growing apart–but it didn’t seem like it when he still thought of her daily. “i’m sorry for how we ended things. i’m sorry that i–” didn’t believe you? didn’t stay? didn’t fight harder? “i miss just–i miss you and i’m sorry for everything.” 

         ^{she takes her hair away from her back, holding it by the side of her neck. THE SILENCE IS BARELY UNBEARABLE. she almost wishes dimitri was there, to make yet another of his inopportune comments —- she didn’t care what, as long as it was SOMETHING, as long as it was better than this. scarlett closes her eyes as she feels his hands against her back: it lasts but a second, but it’s enough to leave a MARK. it’s enough to burn its presence there, a sickening reminder of what will never be again   (   she should not be this WEAK. it’s been four years, for fucks sake. it’s been four years of hard work, four years of —- four years of loneliness, of a crippling and growing void on her insides. four years of hating the reflection in front of her. four years of guilt. it’s been four years. she should have been over this, shouldn’t she?   )}                

          ^{i’m sorry. she hears the words and —- she closes her eyes, taking in a deep breath before letting her head fall down. she can feel a lump growing in her throat, and can feel her lips trembling. she hates this.  ❛  don’t do this.   ❜  she says, opening her eyes and blinking until there are no reminders of tears, until there is nothing to remind her of her WEAKNESS.    ❛   merlin, don’t fucking do this.   ❜    he doesn’t get to take the blame for this, and yet —- she closes her hands in fists, letting her nails dig into the inside of her palms. she wants to BLEED. she wants to hurt — is that pain inside of you not enough? she shakes her head from one side to the other, breathing in, breathing out, breathing in. where were you four years ago?     ❛   we can’t go back, henry, it’s just —– it’s not possible.   ❜   you didn’t trust me. i needed you.} 

(Source: atercygnus, via relabso)

rxgius:

            taking another sip of his fire whiskey, he listened quietly to arthur and adam talk about twins and adam was avidly taking in the advice that arthur provided him. it seems as though the weasley twins were just as much of a handful as the lewellyn triplets. melody was quietly laughing as she rocked the cranky jamie whose special day the were here to celebrate and she had asked henry if he could grab one of jamie’s toys since she was getting fussy. 

           so as he went through the house and towards jamie’s nursery, he wondered if she would be here. of course she would be, he thought quietly and yet at the same time, he didn’t know. yes, he had kept some tabs on her, and they had briefly met when the triplets had to be baptized but–it wasn’t like he knew how she was.  he didn’t even hear her voice on the other side of the door when he opened it and saw her, a vision in a red dress. red did always suit her. he felt a smile threaten to tug at his lips before he turned around. sure, her dress was unzipped, and sure they have seen each other with less clothes, but that was a different time.  they meant something different to one another.  “ sorry–!  i’m just.. jamie needs her toy? a doll maybe. melody was quite specific on which one jamie wanted.” 

          ^{her breath gets stuck on her throat as soon as she hears his voice. she should have known better, but then again, how could she? there was a time, it seemed too far away now, where she would have recognized him by step alone — the way in which he paces, the knock on the door. she’d have known his mannerisms, and the way that his body moves. THAT IS IN THE PAST NOW, and in the future she still knows his voice, still feels a tug on the left side of her chest. his voice still feels like a REMINDER — of what they were, of what they could have been, of what they have lost.       ❛   don’t —- don’t worry about it, it’s alright.   ❜    she says, swallowing past the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes    (   she misses him so much   ).} 

          ^{scarlett takes a deep breath before walking towards the cradle, not looking at him as she does that. it’s not that she’s afraid. it’s just that —- she doesn’t want him to see the look on his eyes. she doesn’t want him to know that she’s thinking of sirius. they both know how that ended up the last time they talked about it. she takes the stuffed niffler before finally turning around and walking towards him.   ❛   here. it’s — it’s her favorite.  ❜  she says, tugging at the animal as if it would somehow apparate her how of there.  ❛  henry — could you — could you zip my dress for me?   ❜}

(Source: atercygnus, via relabso)

                ^{IT’S BEEN FOUR YEARS, and there’s this a void on the inside of her soul, one that grows and grows and grows. it’s been four years and she still can’t quite forgive herself, still can’t heal           she’ll never heal from this. the newspapers brand with a sickening pride: FOUR YEARS SINCE THE DEATH OF YOU-KNOW-WHO. they don’t leave out the death of the potters. they never do. but they leave out him. his name, his eyes, his story — his innocence. she sits        alone         at melody’s place, and too many of them seem to be celebrating. she can’t stomach a celebration.} 

                ^{there’s a knock on the door, and she’s certain that it’s melody (she should not be this selfish. melody’s  so happy now, and everyone is too and she’s             not.    ❛   i’m coming.   ❜}  

^@rxgius