WHY DO YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO? there is only one answer to this question. why are your hands stained with red blood, why are your dreams plagued with death, death, death?
ENDURANCE
IT IS THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN.there's nothing but this, nothing but the sound of your heart beating against your ears, drumming, drumming, drumming.
DECAY
YOU'VE LOST PIECES OF YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS. sometimes you don't know your own reflection in the mirrors. you don't know your eyes, you don't know your lips. there's something missing inside of you.
INFO
written by m. HIGHLY SELECTIVE low activity // plotted threads only est. 2013 pinterest board
rules.
exclusives/mains.
disclaimer
this is an independent for a fandomless original character i do not claim ownership and am not affiliated with daisy ridley, olivia wilde or any other face that may be used. this blog is multi-verse, multi-ship. every thread is independent from the other unless previously plotted.
general
01.this blog is plot oriented. as stated on my 'sidebar', this blog prefers plotted threads and pre-established interactions over non-plotted, non-established ones. relationships are amazing, be them whichever!
02.nsfw & triggering content will be present, though all will be accordingly tagged (respectively #nsfw and #[trigger] //). the likelyhood of there being smut on this blog is extremely LOW.
03.this blog is private to mutuals, meaning that i will only interact with those that i follow & follow me back - this applies to IC & OOC interactions. please don't like my starter calls or send me memes if we are not mutual (headcanon requests are okay).
04.if we are mutuals, know that i wish to roleplay with you in some capacity. feel free to ask for my SKYPE.
05.i will not interact with CIS GENDERBENDS or WHITEWASHED CHARACTERS. there are plenty of posts about why both of those are generally Bad, please don't ask me about it.
06.please cut your posts. i like to have a clean and uncluttered dashboard. in the same regard, i am more than happy to continue a thread from an ask, but i ask you to MAKE A NEW POST.
07.stealing is not condoned in this blog, everything from icons, promos, theme to headcanons and meta were made by ME, with a lot of hard work involved. please do not take and claim as your own.
08.if you prove to be a bigot in any way, shape or form i WILL UNFOLLOW. no remorse, no second thought. i do not, and never will, accept such behaviors.
shipping
09.please don't ever assume a ship. scarlett is a very complex, very private characters. shipping is hard with her.
10.please don't force a relationship. as stated above, chemistry comes before anything. if our characters don't click, then they don't click. please don't try to force me or guilttrip me into it.
mun
if you have read all the way to here, i am very, very thankful. my name is MARINA (cis woman, she/her pronouns), i am 20 years old and attend university. replies on this blog are incredibly SLOW, and i will give, most times, preference to NOXTEARS, VOLCHNOK, RXGIUS OR XBETTERFEARED. it's nothing personal, only a result of extensive developing of said relationships. i know i may sound extremely harsh and mean here but i swear i'm not!! i've been developing this character for the past 4 years and she means the absolute world to me, and i'm happy to interact wiht more people!
NAME: scarlett anna ivanova lefurgey ALIAS / NICKNAMES: annushka, nyura, scar, red rose, spider, lebed, ivanova, kingmaker AGE: 27 years old (most verses) DATE OF BIRTH: february 8th / 1989 PLACE OF BIRTH: east end of london NATIONALITY: russian + british SEXUALITY: demiromantic bisexual GENDER: cisgender female PRONOUNS: she / her
LAYER ONE : PHYSICALITIES
FACE CLAIM: daisy ridley (16 - 26) / olivia wilde ( 26 - forward ) VOICE CLAIM:daisy ridley / rosamund pike. RACE/ETHNICITY: white HEIGHT: 1,7 m / 5′7′‘ WEIGHT: 55 kg / 121 pounds BUILD: slim / toned HAIR: mid length / short medium brown hair EYE COLOR: hazel eyes SKIN COLOR: pale DOMINANT HAND: right SCENT: roses, wood, old books ACCENT: mostly a forced posh british accent, but when in stressful situations her cockney accent slips out ALLERGIES: mild shellfish allergy TATTOOS: a heart on the palm of a hand on her right underboob / a rose and a knife on her crotch / a sun and a moon on her inner wrist.
LAYER TWO : FAMILY
PARENTS: Diana Nikolaevna Ivanovna (mother, deceased), Thomas Winston Lefurgey (father) GRANDPARENTS: Nikolai Mikhailovich Ivanov (grandfather, maternal), Valentina Pyotrevna Ivanovna (grandmother, maternal), Angelique Delaney Lefurgey (grandmother, paternal), Hubert Lawrence Lefurgey (grandfather, paternal) SIBLINGS: Phillip George Lefurgey (half brother) PETS: two cats, karl & marx
LAYER TWO : EDUCATION
LANGUAGES: english, russian, french, mid spanish comprehension, mid greek comprehension HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION: st albans (d.c) / trinity boarding school (syracuse, ny) COLLEGE EDUCATION: harvard university MAJOR: history and literature with a concentration in eastern europe and russia MINOR: philosophy LAW SCHOOL: harvard law school (3 years) LAW SCHOOL SPECIALIZATION: criminal justice & law and business
LAYER TWO : WORK
PAST OCCUPATIONS: lobbyist, corporate lawyer (at p&p) CURRENT OCCUPATION: district attorney and pro-bono lawyer SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS: mid upper class
THE MASTERMIND / ARCHITECT : intjs are introspective, analytical, determined persons with natural leadership ability. being reserved, they prefer to stay in the background while leading. strategic, knowledgable and adaptable, intjs are talented in bringing ideas from conception to reality. they expect perfection from themselves as well as others and are comfortable with the leadership of another so long as they are competent. intjs can also be described as decisive, open-minded, self-confident, attentive, theoretical and pragmatic.
MORAL ALIGNMENT : NEUTRAL GOOD
NEUTRAL GOOD / BENEFACTOR : a neutral good character is guided by his conscience and typically acts altruistically, without regard for or against lawful precepts such as rules or tradition. a neutral good character has no problems with co-operating with lawful officials, but does not feel beholden to them. in the event that doing the right thing requires the bending or breaking of rules, they do not suffer the same inner conflict that a lawful good character would.
ENNEAGRAM : TYPE 1 / TYPE 6
THE PERFECTIONIST / REFORMER : perfectionists are realistic, conscientious, and principled. they strive to live up to their high ideals. THE SKEPTIC / THE QUESTIONER : questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.
TEMPERAMENT : CHOLERIC
CHOLERIC : the choleric temperament is fundamentally ambitious and leader-like. they have a lot of aggression, energy, and/or passion, and try to instill it in others. they can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. many great charismatic military and political figures were choleric. they like to be in charge of everything. however, cholerics also tend to be either highly disorganized or highly organized. they do not have in-between setups, only one extreme to another. as well as being leader-like and assertive, cholerics also fall into deep and sudden depression. essentially, they are very much prone to mood swings.
OTHER :
SINS : pride, wrath, greed. VIRTUES : kindness, diligence, kindness ZODIAC : aquarius ( february 8th ) SOUL TYPE : king / scholar HOGWARTS HOUSE : slytherin RELIGION : atheist. POLITICAL AFFILIATION : left / socialism ARCHETYPE : the ruler / the sage.
000. there will be flowers scattered through the floor of your house, red and yellow and white and pink, and your mother will order you to tread with care as you walk to your room. she’ll put together with sculpture-like precision bouquets for other girls and serve them coffee with her ever tired smile. later that day, the hole in your window will be gone and the leaking in the bathroom too. your mother will come home at three in the morning, and finish sewing the red scarf you begged her to.
001. one day, when the snow starts to fill the ground up and the cold winds start to blow, a tall man with stern features and a stink of corruption that eats through his bones will come through your door. if you’re lucky ( and you never are ), your mother will hold your body against hers and guard you jealously and lovingly. if you’re not, he will extend a golden, golden hand, and say : ❛ MINE. YOU’RE MINE. ❜
002. you’ll move to a house tenth-twice the size of your own, tenth-thrice as cold and the warmth of your mother will be filled with the wintriness of your father the tenderness of your mother will be replaced by the hands of your father around your wrist, throat, arms. you won’t be enough : you will never be enough.
003. you will learn, by the time you are fifteen, how to survive under his circumstances. you will discipline yourself to be harder, sharper, smarter, better than anyone, better than your brother could ever be. you will train your words and your tongue and turn yourself into the daughter he’s ever wished for, into the perfection which he demands, and do so all of it for, and solely for, him to extend his golden, golden hand, and say : ❛ CLEVER GIRL. ❜
004. one day, you’ll find yourself clinging into someone else’s warmth and thinking it is your own : you’ll hold your body against theirs and share bits and pieces with them, enough but not too much, and most of that you’ve longed for will be there, will be with you ❛ SWEAR THAT YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME. ❜ . you’ll learn, finally, that nothing ever stays, not with you. you’ll ruin everything before it can ruin you.
005. your body will grow cold like stripped fields. you’ll shed your warmth and softness like a snake sheds its skin. you’ll wrung out of you all that does not serve, until you are better, harder, sharper, smarter, colder.
006. one day, when the snow starts to fill the ground up and the cold wind starts to blow, a tall woman will stern features and a stink of brutality that eats through her bones will look at your reflection in the mirror. if you are lucky ( and you never are ), she’ll blink and think nothing of it. if you’re not, she will extend a pale, pale hand and say : ❛ YOU’RE STILL HUMAN. ❜
007. you’ll cry out to the skies and pray to the gods you have never believed in to not let that man ever come through your door. he will always come.
he wanted to ask her to look at him. he wanted to look into her eyes and see the playful spark it once held. he wanted to see her smile and for it to be like it was only a few years ago. he wanted it–but like she said, a simply apology wouldn’t solve anything. “ i try not to. i want to believe in you. no. i need to believe in you. but it’s difficult and it’s just…scarlett, his body was not found. what kind of spell does that? and even if he was framed, why didn’t he–why didn’t dumbledore fight for him? i dont want him to be guilty, but there has to some sort of reason to all of this.”
he hated that. he hated reasoning his friend’s arrest. he wanted to believe in her and he should–so what was stopping him? even he didn’t quite know. and he hated the way that it was left like that. it was just an unknown, a mystery, something that was off and yet no one saw it. but she did and he could have too –but he choose to simply not delve deeper. he was tired of fighting. he was tired of the war. he just wanted it to be over. he wanted to put his two friends to rest. he should have wanted justice, and yet–the evidence was too stark. “i know. i know. and i know this apology–trust me, i don’t want to make it seem like i’m just here to apologize. i just don’t know what to do anymore, scarlett. i can’t–i should have been there. i shouldn’t have let you leave. i should have done so many things…and i’m sorry. i want to be forgiven but i don’t deserve it, i know that. i just have to apologize, scarlett because i want to believe you. and not trusting you. not believing in you, –i feel like im being torn apart for that. because some part of me knows you’re right and yet the other is telling me to listen to what evidence is. what the testimonies are. i just–i don’t know what to do. ”
❛ NO SPELL! no spell does that, henry. that’s the entire point. ❜ she says, every ounce of control slipping away from her fingers, hands shaking and anger coming out of her voice. she’s just so tired. tired of saying the same things, to the say people. tired of not being believed on, tired of knowing that even those who claim to believe her still have DOUBT —- tired of the doubt that others put inside of her, and scared. so utterly, completely scared. IT’S IN HIS BLOOD, they’ll say. he’s a Black, and she’s a LEFURGEY. what does that say of her? what does that say of the darkness that lurks and grows in the depths of her soul? HE’S INNOCENT. she knows it. ❛ do you think that it’s more likely that sirius created a whole god damn new curse than that he was framed? he loved you, henry. ❜
she looks at him for the longest time, listening to his words, pressing her lips together and holding the tears in. SHE WILL NOT CRY. she will not let him see how much it is tearing herself apart. how much it hurts, how much it CUTS. deep, and true, and hard. ❛ WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING WE DON’T HAVE TRUST. you told me that once, remember? we don’t have that anymore. ❜ trust goes both ways. scarlett lefurgey doesn’t let anyone in, but she let him inside. she opened herself to him, and that’s what it resulted in. ❛ if you think he did it —- i can only wonder what it is that you think of me. ❜ she looks down, swallowing past the lump in her throat and swallowing the tears away. it’s jamie’s day, and everyone else is so happy. she shakes her head, for a moment, and walks towards him, taking the niffler out of his hand. ❛ jamie needs her toy. that’s why you came here anyway. ❜
she walks past him, and, the moment she walks out of the room, can feel the entire weight of the world on her shoulders. IT HURTS TOO MUCH. something burns inside of her, breaking and cutting everything on its way. she presses her back against the wall. she can’t help the tears now, and she covers her mouth with her hands and lies to herself. she can pretend that it is not there. she can pretend that it is not hurting. she dries her eyes, pressing her lips together and adjusting her dress ( touching her skin makes her think of his touch, and what it felt to feel it again. she does not want to think of it. ) before going down the stairs. jamie needs her toy, after all. she ignores the look that melody gives her when she hands her the niffler, and melody ignores how sad her smile looks. she doesn’t want to talk about it, melody knows. she takes in a deep breath, ignoring the tears that start to slowly come back, before saying: ❛ i’m gonna go play with annie, yeah? let me know if you need anything. ❜
“i can’t stop saying that i am sorry though, scarlett.” it was quiet, it was real, it was finally the truth. he had been trying to fix everything, he had been trying to go back to normality. but how could he when the person that made him feel normal wasn’t there with him anymore. hand reaching out, wanting to take hers and apologize for hurting her. for not believing her, for still not fully believing her. he wanted to apologize for the years of not speaking to her, avoiding her if he could. he had ignored her when she lost the only family she had left. someone she thought of as a brother, and if henry could understand anything, it was losing a sibling. “i’m sorry for not–sirius was–i should believe that he’s innocent. and i want to badly, scar.” there it was, opening the wound that caused the chasm between them. opening up the conversation that resulted in her throwing that ring at him and apparating to avoid the conflict. he was wrong.
“ i know. i know that we can’t just go back. but i don’t want to be stuck either scarlett. for the past four years–i’ve been stuck and i’ve always known why. i’ve been stuck living the regret i had. i was stuck living in the moment when i told you to drop it. that sirius could have been guilty. i was stuck the moment i didn’t believe you despite everything. and i’m sorry. i’m sorry and i just don’t know what else to do except apologize. –this cold war between us? this i can’t live like this anymore. i can’t stand the idea that i can’t talk to you like i used to. that i can’t even–i’m sorry for everything, scarlett. i should have believed you and i didn’t and i was an idiot. i’m sorry for–everything. ”
she turns her head away, even if she’s not yet facing him. she keeps her gaze into the corner of the room, arms crossed in front of her body. she doesn’t want to look at him, she doesn’t want to —- she takes in a deep breath, pressing her lips together. this isn’t how her night should be going. this isn’t how this should be. the turning point, however, it’s when he says his name. she can’t quite take it anymore, not really, and so she turns and she faces him, and —– he looks as handsome as ever, and his eyes as warm as always ( but sad —- there is a sadness to them that wasn’t there before, a deeper one, and his eyes are plagued with dark circles. she hates the sight. ) ❛ you still think he did it. ❜ she says, and her voice is but a whisper. it’s a sickening realization, one that cuts deep, one that bleeds and bleeds and bleeds. he still does not believe you. he will never believe you.
she feels her bottom lip tremble, and her heart beat against its cage. she digs her nails into the inside of her palm, and just looks at him. ❛ you think that an apology can erase that? you think that —- that you can just — come here, and tell me that you’ve been feeling guilty? you think an apology will make things better? it’s been four years, henry. FOUR YEARS. you —- you didn’t believe me, and you still don’t believe me, and —- ❜ she hates the way that her voice comes out of her lips, the way that the words tremble, the way that her hearts beats and beats and beats. ❛ i didn’t need adam, or remus, or melody, or dimitri. i didn’t even need sirius. I NEEDED YOU —- and you weren’t there. ❜
he hated this. he hated standing here in front of her. not because of her, not because she was there, god no. he could never hate being here in front of her. because he had ruined what they had shared. this quiet, the awkward stumble into the next sentence. all of it. he had ruined the silence that they once shared. the silence when they were in the library. the way her dark locks would fall in front of her face, the occasionally chuckle that left her lips. merlin, he missed her laugh. he hated how he had made it so difficult for them to even stay in the same room together, alone. when she said her next words, he couldn’t help but smile in response. he wasn’t dimitri, he wouldn’t make some stupid comment about how they shouldn’t be so awkward with each other’s naked bod– henry stop. he reminded himself before he took a step into the nursery.
he was silent as he took the stuffed creature into his hands. he blinked a couple of times at her request before nodding quickly. “yeah, of course.” reaching out and pulling up the zipper of the dress. how long had it been since he last touched her. since he was this close to her. he missed her. andhe wished he could tell her that he believed in her word, that he could believe in his good friend’s innocence. but the evidence was too–he closed his eyes before he could even stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth, it had already left. “i’m sorry.” he said quietly as he took a step back. “ this…”he didn’t know how to describe it, was it their relationship now? to be this awkward? perhaps they were simply growing apart–but it didn’t seem like it when he still thought of her daily. “i’m sorry for how we ended things. i’m sorry that i–” didn’t believe you? didn’t stay? didn’t fight harder? “i miss just–i miss you and i’m sorry for everything.”
she takes her hair away from her back, holding it by the side of her neck. THE SILENCE IS BARELY UNBEARABLE. she almost wishes dimitri was there, to make yet another of his inopportune comments —- she didn’t care what, as long as it was SOMETHING, as long as it was better than this. scarlett closes her eyes as she feels his hands against her back: it lasts but a second, but it’s enough to leave a MARK. it’s enough to burn its presence there, a sickening reminder of what will never be again ( she should not be this WEAK. it’s been four years, for fucks sake. it’s been four years of hard work, four years of —- four years of loneliness, of a crippling and growing void on her insides. four years of hating the reflection in front of her. four years of guilt. it’s been four years. she should have been over this, shouldn’t she? )
i’m sorry. she hears the words and —- she closes her eyes, taking in a deep breath before letting her head fall down. she can feel a lump growing in her throat, and can feel her lips trembling. she hates this. ❛ don’t do this. ❜ she says, opening her eyes and blinking until there are no reminders of tears, until there is nothing to remind her of her WEAKNESS. ❛ merlin, don’t fucking do this. ❜he doesn’t get to take the blame for this, and yet —- she closes her hands in fists, letting her nails dig into the inside of her palms. she wants to BLEED. she wants to hurt — is that pain inside of you not enough? she shakes her head from one side to the other, breathing in, breathing out, breathing in. where were you four years ago? ❛ we can’t go back, henry, it’s just —– it’s not possible. ❜ you didn’t trust me. i needed you.
taking another sip of his fire whiskey, he listened quietly to arthur and adam talk about twins and adam was avidly taking in the advice that arthur provided him. it seems as though the weasley twins were just as much of a handful as the lewellyn triplets. melody was quietly laughing as she rocked the cranky jamie whose special day the were here to celebrate and she had asked henry if he could grab one of jamie’s toys since she was getting fussy.
so as he went through the house and towards jamie’s nursery, he wondered if she would be here. of course she would be, he thought quietly and yet at the same time, he didn’t know. yes, he had kept some tabs on her, and they had briefly met when the triplets had to be baptized but–it wasn’t like he knew how she was. he didn’t even hear her voice on the other side of the door when he opened it and saw her, a vision in a red dress. red did always suit her. he felt a smile threaten to tug at his lips before he turned around. sure, her dress was unzipped, and sure they have seen each other with less clothes, but that was a different time. they meant something different to one another. “ sorry–! i’m just.. jamie needs her toy? a doll maybe. melody was quite specific on which one jamie wanted.”
her breath gets stuck on her throat as soon as she hears his voice. she should have known better, but then again, how could she? there was a time, it seemed too far away now, where she would have recognized him by step alone — the way in which he paces, the knock on the door. she’d have known his mannerisms, and the way that his body moves. THAT IS IN THE PAST NOW, and in the future she still knows his voice, still feels a tug on the left side of her chest. his voice still feels like a REMINDER — of what they were, of what they could have been, of what they have lost. ❛ don’t —- don’t worry about it, it’s alright. ❜ she says, swallowing past the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes ( she misses him so much).
scarlett takes a deep breath before walking towards the cradle, not looking at him as she does that. it’s not that she’s afraid. it’s just that —- she doesn’t want him to see the look on his eyes. she doesn’t want him to know that she’s thinking of sirius. they both know how that ended up the last time they talked about it. she takes the stuffed niffler before finally turning around and walking towards him. ❛ here. it’s — it’s her favorite. ❜ she says, tugging at the animal as if it would somehow apparate her how of there. ❛ henry — could you — could you zip my dress for me? ❜
IT’S BEEN FOUR YEARS, and there’s this a void on the inside of her soul, one that grows and grows and grows. it’s been four years and she still can’t quite forgive herself, still can’t heal she’ll never heal from this. the newspapers brand with a sickening pride: FOUR YEARS SINCE THE DEATH OF YOU-KNOW-WHO. they don’t leave out the death of the potters. they never do. but they leave out him. his name, his eyes, his story — his innocence. she sits alone at melody’s place, and too many of them seem to be celebrating. she can’t stomach a celebration.
there’s a knock on the door, and she’s certain that it’s melody (she should not be this selfish. melody’s so happy now, and everyone is too and she’s not. ❛ i’m coming. ❜